Sometimes we are faced with adversity that leaves us broken beyond all measure; sometimes we are dealt situations that take more than just “getting over.” Life is not easy, nor was it meant to be. A life lived of significance is a life lived with a great degree pain and sadness; not only pain and sadness (also lots of happiness!!!), but a lot of it. While chasing your dreams, you will experience pitfalls and victories and everything in between. With that being said, I think it is of vast importance that everyone knows, even while in pursuit of your grandest dreams, mental and physical health come first—before ANYTHING else. Some of your setbacks will leave you at a place so lost and confused, that you almost feel like there is no hope. You may experience anxiety or depression or some other form of mental illness that leaves you feeling immobile; this is okay. You are allowed to not feel okay. You are allowed to feel down and lost. And, most importantly, you are allowed to and SHOULD ask for help. We are human beings, and although we live in a society that may have us believing otherwise, we are allowed to feel sad. Positive thinking is easy when you are in a good place, but you may need some help to get back there, and again, that’s okay. We aren’t robots or machines but in fact very complex beings with many emotions and feelings.
I think that there are many people who ignore their state of poor mental health because they have let their pride get in the way and they don’t want to be viewed as “weak” by other people, or they are so determined to go after what they want that they just kind of sweep it under the rug because they don’t want to let it get in the way. But let me tell you, if you ignore your issues, they will just come back ten-fold later in life, and all the dreams you have achieved will seemed meaningless because you are unhappy. In order to reach your full potential, everything you do must come from a place of health and integrity. If you take care of your health you will be able to go beyond what you even thought was possible of you and you will be surrounded by goodness. There are plenty of people who make it to the top (i.e. celebrities) without looking after themselves, and although they may have all the fame and fortune in the world, their unhappiness catches up with them eventually; many times they will develop unhealthy habits like turning to drugs, alcohol, food, etc. Yes, putting your mental health first may seem like a burden, but the process is worth it.
I have been inspired to write this because recently I reached a point where living with myself had almost become unbearable. Ever since I was young I have struggled with anxiety, depression, and body issues—coming and going in waves. But moving to California upon graduating to pursue modeling truly left me at a point where I was so unhappy I felt unable to function. There are a variety of factors as to why being here triggered all of my issues. This was the first time I lived so far away from my family who I am extremely close with, and this left me feeling very alone being in a brand new place by myself. In addition to this, it was my first time being completely financially sufficient so figuring out how to budget my earnings and pay all my bills was a bit stressful. Another factor contributing to my stress was that this was my first time only doing modeling—while I was modeling in NYC, I also had school and a few side jobs so I never really experienced modeling to the fullest extent, which I learned has an extremely dark side to it. My breaking point was when my modeling agency started telling me to lose weight. I hadn’t been happy for a while in LA, but this pushed me to the limit of being a complete wreck. I knew I could stay there and resort to unhealthy means as a way of continuing my dreams, which I have done before, but after a bit of reflection I decided that coming home to be with my family would be the most helpful in the long run. I have decided to take this time off of modeling to focus on getting my mental health where it needs to be with the help of my family and therapists. I know I do not want to give up on modeling yet, but I also know I will not get anywhere remotely close to where I would like to be if I don’t get healthy. That said, I would like to inspire people using modeling which is only possible with a healthy mind.
For anyone who feels they are at a bad place in their life right now, rest assured you are far from alone. So many people are lost. But there are so many ways to get help—so many amazing therapists and support groups. If you do not feel like you are ready for this yet, read some health blogs and make some lists of things you can do daily to help yourself feel better (i.e. breathing exercises, meditation, walks in nature, shutting off your phone for a bit, etc.). And whatever you do, don’t give up! Don’t let the darkness consume you—you were meant for amazing things. And you will be able to appreciate whatever it is you accomplish so much more with a clear mind. Be patient with yourself and with the universe; just breathe, and remember that you are where you are for a reason.
Nicole Zimmermann 