This is a topic that I (unfortunately) am very well versed on. Between being a psych major and years of therapy, I find myself to be very analytical of people—not in a bad way, just in an “observant” way, or so to speak. With that said, I am also very self-aware and familiar with all of my habits, both good and bad. Something I have observed in myself and in others is that it is hard to accept when something really good happens to you, or when life is just going good in general. You think to yourself things like “this is too good to be true,” or “I wonder when something will come around and mess this all up.” I think that many don’t find themselves to be “worthy” enough of things that are positive, in turn leading them to subconsciously force the good out of their lives with a variety of self-destructive behaviors; this is self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is perhaps the most tragic behavior that we as human beings engage in and it can ruin the lives of unbelievably talented and smart individuals. We’ve seen it countless times in the lives of celebrities who seemingly have it all, only to find out they have terrible addictions or struggle with depression and other mental disorders alike. I don’t know about you guys, but when I look back on my life to the best things that have ever been “mine,” (relationships, jobs, etc.) it seems that I have always done something to sabotage them, though I was not conscious of it at the time. Perhaps what all self-sabotaging behavior stems from is a single negative thought, which then manifests itself into the physical world leading to self-destructive behaviors (i.e. addiction, eating-disorders, depression, anxiety, etc, etc.) By having these negative thoughts you subconsciously push the good out of your life by engaging in these self-destructive behaviors. If you fall into the pattern of self-sabotage you will ultimately set yourself up for a very empty and dark existence.
Just like the next person, I have spent a vast amount of time attempting to battle my demons, and it continues to be extremely difficult. But for every cloud there is a silver lining, and although the moments are few and far between, my small victories are what keep me fighting. I wish I could be of more help to those of you engaging in self-destructive behaviors and dealing with adversity, and maybe one day when I am stronger I will be able to, but for now here are a few things that I have found to help alleviate my negative thinking:
- Shutting my phone off for at least a half hour and just write anything and everything that is on my mind, even if it makes no sense at all.
- Taking a walk somewhere pretty and thinking about all the pretty things in my life. (again, without a phone)
- Taking a long bath with my favorite candle or incense and extra bubbles!
- Sitting somewhere peaceful and meditating by deep-breathing for at least 5 minutes.
- Looking at art.
- Writing down 10 things that I like about myself in my journal every morning (aka when I remember).
- Writing down my goals.
Maybe none of these things will help you, but I’m sure you have something(s) that make you feel good about yourself—so do them!! And although it is wayyyy easier said than done, know that you are worth EVERY single good thing that happens to you and more. You are a light-filled being with infinite potential. You may feel like at this particular time in your life it is hard to go on, but better days lie ahead, beautiful. ❤
Nicole Zimmermann 