How many times has something not gone your way? Too many to possibly count? Yeah, welcome to the club. If you are anything like me, you are often left groaning out in despair “why me universe, whyyyy me?!” Whether it’s something as small as being stuck in a traffic jam or something that affects you on a larger scale such as the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, it is hard to not let those negative emotions consume you and leave you in a state of complete frustration and unhappiness. This is life. And unfortunately you will continue to be faced with adversity, you will feel PAIN– lots of it, and you will continue to be put in situations where you feel like the universe is testing you; this is inevitable. PAIN is inevitable, but suffering doesn’t have to be, and this all depends on perspective.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a mini women’s retreat in my city, and these powerful women shared an immense amount of wisdom. The part that stuck out to me the most though was this– that everything in your life happens FOR you and not TO you. Certain difficulties arise to shape you and help you grow and in many cases teach what you have learned to others who are suffering. This is the perspective of knowing that if something doesn’t go your way, even if it’s that thing that you REALLY want, that something better is in store for you. It is the perspective of not fighting against the currents of life, and instead just letting them flow. I know how cliche this all must sound, and i also know that living with this mindset is way easier said than done and takes a lot of work. But if you can learn to adopt this perspective, you can find meaning in almost anything, and you will not suffer so deeply because you will not constantly be fighting against what is not meant for you.
What came up for me when learning about all of this was something I have been struggling with for years– addiction. Anyone who is an addict will understand how overwhelmingly painful it can be. When you are an addict, you are a shell of a being. You are merely existing, only living to chase the next fleeting high, only to be left feeling emptier and more full of shame than before; constantly inflicting pain upon the people around you and depleting yourself of the life and potential that once filled your soul. The disappointment that comes along with making unfulfilled promises to yourself day in and day out cripples you and leaves you feeling defeated.
I have found myself filled with so much anger towards everyone and everything wondering why I had to be cursed with this disease that disables me from ever being “normal”. Although I am now sober, addiction and all of my self-sabotaging tendencies are still very present in my life. But as I dive deeper into my recovery, I am learning to see my disease from a different perspective; I am learning that this happened FOR me. Getting sober is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and through that I have become stronger and more resilient. By battling these demons every day, I have acquired a set of tools that help me deal with life and my emotions. I now recognize the ways my higher power works in my life and with Him I can combat any curveballs that are thrown my way. I have adopted meditation and now practice it on a daily basis. I continue to meet the most incredible people who are struggling with this disease and I am constantly surrounded by love and support. But most importantly, I am now able to help people who are in a similar situation– I can inspire others through my struggle.
I am only beginning to scratch the surface though, and learning to live with this perspective takes an immense amount of both patience and practice. I am learning to accept that some days it will be hard to stay positive, and some days it will come easier… such is life. But doing my best to live with this mindset is the only thing that will give me power over the adversity that comes my way. It will help me to find meaning in my suffering and be able to share my wisdom with others. One thing that really helps me with this is writing down a list of things in my life that once brought me pain and suffering and then writing down how each of these circumstances have led to positivity and growth. I also try to write a gratitude list every morning and at night write down 3 good things that happened to me that day (even if it’s been a reallllly bad day!). Meditation and breath-work have also worked wonders in my life in helping me to stay positive and calm. Also, take social media breaks if you need to. Sometimes it’s hard to see positivity in your own life when you are constantly comparing it to the highlights of everyone else’s lives. All of these tactics have brought me a little bit closer to coming to the realization that things are happening FOR me and not TO me. Isn’t it crazy how one simple word can change everything?!
Nicole Zimmermann 